• H.M. Ortiz

Distancing from the broken By: H.M. Ortiz @h.m.ortiz

Updated: Nov 26, 2021

Focusing on what is broken will never set you free. How will he?, when would she?, why would they? Those questions lead to a path alright, a path to failure. Instead, what’s under our own control, within our reach, eg. feelings, emotions, and responsibilities are now blurred by this broken someone or something and this is because our focus is on this broken someone or something and soon, we will too be broken.

This is a simple logical assumption because by trying to imply our strength on something or someone that has a strength of it’s own, a strength that is completely alien from our own will drain out the whatever amount of drive we have in storage to achieve personal success and neither of the two will achieve anything but wasted time and effort.

Focusing on what is broken in a reckless matter by ignoring our own limits, fueled by a lack of boundaries and disrespect of discipline is a very dangerous road to take.

It’s a way of displaying the old saying “taking matters into my own hands”because unless we are experts with the issue at hand with this broken individual or something, we could cause further damage not only to them but mainly to ourselves because we can develop intimacy with a highly, unhealthy, toxic, and even violent environment that is detrimental for our psyche robbing us of our own will and peace of mind.

It can quickly turn into a very devastating cycle that can be very difficult to overcome. Don’t raise your hand if you relate.

The old belief that contrary to men; only women, children, and dogs receive unconditional love because men is expected to provide is a blatant way of victimizing and justifying codependency with a modern way of minimizing this extremely narcissistic belief.

Brokenness come in all shapes, colors, races and definitely genders, even animals are not exempt, they just can’t verbally express it but our logical reasoning through clinical experience can diagnose it.

Unlike animals, humans can deceive others and more often than not, themselves into thinking that the cause of their struggles is something or someone else and this is the number one flag that screams “broken”.

Before I learned of my own codependent behavior and tendencies. I used to label my ex; narcissist, abusive and manipulator. Such diagnose came not from a clinical diagnosis but my own google search, after a professional diagnosis by a clinical psychologist of myself, it was time to take action and began the process of healing. Now that I have overcome codependent behaviors and learned a lot of my own anxieties and learned how to overcome them, I still wouldn’t take a chance and try to “fix” someone else’s life because I understand how devastating this can be.

I’m not saying “ignore them, let them die” but just take extreme caution when dealing with broken individuals. In relationships, this happens very often but before diagnosing others, in order to be able to properly determine who might be broken, we must do an assessment of ourselves and understand our physical, emotional, financial, spiritual and psychological struggles and address them accordingly, when we can understand our flaws without blaming others, we can maturely walk away from whom or what is not in our best interest.

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